The Broken Pieces on the Floor

It's just so hard to explain in words. Each time I try and explain it, it just doesn't come out right. I'm not trying to hate Berkeley.

Now that I've submitted in my SIR, my whole world feels like it split into a million little pieces. It's an inherent feeling that I can't control. There are many times when nothing seems right. It feels that nothing matters any more.

Yes, I know I should try and go into this experience with a positive attitude. I have. Berkeley definitely has a better Bioengineering program than LA and it's a world renowned school. In addition, it will be a new experience to meet new people and see new places. However, the pieces of the puzzle just don't seem to fit correctly.

Choosing a college should have been a process that I should been able to decide. However, I never had this power to begin with. While my friends are deciding between UCLA and Cornell or UCLA and Rice or some other pair, I was forced to choose Cal. If it had been my own decision, the experience would have been more pleasant, but because it was forced on me, it just all didn't work out.

On a side note, it has no theater department (well, it practically doesn't exist). I'm not going into theater, but it's just such an important part of my life that I feel there's a reason why it's missing. There might not be those students who are hardcore theater majors. Or that theater majors don't attend Berkeley. They would rather go to UMich, CMU or NYU.

If this post does not make any sense, please remember that it's hard to explain in words. It's a difficult time for me so I would appreciate it if you could just give me my own space.