Saturday, July 25, 2009
Just saying...
...ochem is still in the pain in the ass. Can't wait to be over and done with it. The next exam is on Wednesday. Now, I'm slowly working my way through the material and hoping to understand it. Everything has mixed into this giant melting pot of reactions which I'm hoping will sort itself out (with some effort) in the next day or two.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
An Unexpected Warning
This past week I received a letter, but I did not personally receive it. Rather, it was forwarded to me by my dad. I wasn’t expecting to receive this letter and surely, this was not the manner I wanted to learn of it. The content of the letter shook me and this was the first time I understood the severity of the situation. Who knew that this could be happening to me?
This past year has been rough; it has been a whirlwind of a ride. College wasn’t all that it turned out to be. During the application process, I wanted to be over with it and get into a college. There was a lot of pressure from parents as well as myself to do well and I did not want to disappoint them. I was naïve in thinking that once I got into college, things would fall nicely into place.
I had always been hesitant to come to UC Berkeley in the first place; a part of me wanted to be far away from home in a different place, to start from a clean slate. A school where I wouldn’t constantly be followed by shadows from my past. In high school, everyone had known each other for so many years starting from middle school and even from elementary school. I felt like I had to conform to a mold that already had been laid out for me. There was no room to expand or grow and I was hoping to start over in college. However, it was difficult being so close to home (being only an hour away) and at the same time surrounded by so many peers from high school.
First semester consisted of weekly outings to San Francisco, my sole outlet to turn to whenever I needed to escape the frustrations of Berkeley. There was the occasional phone call to friends from high school, but that could only help to a certain extent. I joined several groups in hopes of making friends, but the effort was fickle. Luckily, the musical Spring Awakening was in the city and it was the one thing to keep my going. During the run of the musical here, I attended many performances to keep myself motivated. I barely got by in the fall and hoped that the following semester would be a little easier after the past several months of biting my way through courses.
Throughout the semester, I had second doubts of continuing with Bioengineering. A part of me enjoyed the biology aspect; a part of me enjoyed the technical aspect of engineering. However, I wasn’t so sure I enjoyed it as much when the two sides collided. When it came to choose classes for the spring, I decided to venture away from technical courses and explore the humanities to give myself time to decide.
January came and spring semester began. I was dead wrong in thinking that things would be any easier. Towards the beginning of the semester, a part of me was hoping for some change. Change came before I could even realize it. It all happened so fast; things started and ended quickly. It was a growing experience for me. During that time, there was a lot of exploration of myself and who I really was. Some issues had never come up before and I was left there trying to piece things together. There was a lot to consider and was an emotional time for me. A lot of questions left unanswered. I know I’m being vague, but it’s difficult to find the right words.
I tried to pick myself back up and had the musical to keep my mind busy. It took me a while to move on, but I had little time to dwell on all that had happened. However, during this time, I had met new people. A lot of new people. Little did I know that there would be one person out of many that I would ultimately turn to and that I would encounter another person along the way.
This semester, even though I was taking a lighter course load, for some reason, I was having even more difficulty than before which became more apparent as the semester went on. Classes were too much to handle even though I was taking several classes P/NP. Organic chemistry was a constant struggle. There was so much material to learn and I had no time at all. I also got cast in the musical, City of Angels, and rehearsals consumed a large chunk of time, especially towards the end of the semester. But it was my way to get through organic chemistry, my way of escaping the reality. I knew that I was falling fast. Sooner or later I would hit the ground. And it came by means of the letter.
After many rough nights with the help of my two friends, I somehow made it through the semester. I don’t know what I would have done without them. Many times I didn’t know where to turn, and I have had to rely on them to keep me going. I am very grateful that they have been very accepting and letting me be apart of their lives. There have been so many fun and interesting times getting to hang out with them. This summer would not have been the same if it weren’t for them. I constantly feel bad because I feel like I’m intruding on their live. There is so much more that I want to say, but can’t express myself properly in words.
If I want to continue on at UC Berkeley, I know that changes have to be made. I will need to get my priorities straightened out. Time management will be very important as well. I will need to find the balance between academics and life, making sure I do well in courses, but also setting time aside to be with friends. This upcoming semester will be crucial since my performance will ultimately decide the outcome. I disappointed many people along the way, including people very close to me. This shouldn’t have happened and I know things could have be different. I need to put the pieces back together and work harder. There are still many decisions left to be made, many questions left to be answered. It won’t get any easier, but I am determined to navigate my way out of this difficult situation.
I know this post probably made no sense at all, but this is my way of gathering my thoughts.
This past year has been rough; it has been a whirlwind of a ride. College wasn’t all that it turned out to be. During the application process, I wanted to be over with it and get into a college. There was a lot of pressure from parents as well as myself to do well and I did not want to disappoint them. I was naïve in thinking that once I got into college, things would fall nicely into place.
I had always been hesitant to come to UC Berkeley in the first place; a part of me wanted to be far away from home in a different place, to start from a clean slate. A school where I wouldn’t constantly be followed by shadows from my past. In high school, everyone had known each other for so many years starting from middle school and even from elementary school. I felt like I had to conform to a mold that already had been laid out for me. There was no room to expand or grow and I was hoping to start over in college. However, it was difficult being so close to home (being only an hour away) and at the same time surrounded by so many peers from high school.
First semester consisted of weekly outings to San Francisco, my sole outlet to turn to whenever I needed to escape the frustrations of Berkeley. There was the occasional phone call to friends from high school, but that could only help to a certain extent. I joined several groups in hopes of making friends, but the effort was fickle. Luckily, the musical Spring Awakening was in the city and it was the one thing to keep my going. During the run of the musical here, I attended many performances to keep myself motivated. I barely got by in the fall and hoped that the following semester would be a little easier after the past several months of biting my way through courses.
Throughout the semester, I had second doubts of continuing with Bioengineering. A part of me enjoyed the biology aspect; a part of me enjoyed the technical aspect of engineering. However, I wasn’t so sure I enjoyed it as much when the two sides collided. When it came to choose classes for the spring, I decided to venture away from technical courses and explore the humanities to give myself time to decide.
January came and spring semester began. I was dead wrong in thinking that things would be any easier. Towards the beginning of the semester, a part of me was hoping for some change. Change came before I could even realize it. It all happened so fast; things started and ended quickly. It was a growing experience for me. During that time, there was a lot of exploration of myself and who I really was. Some issues had never come up before and I was left there trying to piece things together. There was a lot to consider and was an emotional time for me. A lot of questions left unanswered. I know I’m being vague, but it’s difficult to find the right words.
I tried to pick myself back up and had the musical to keep my mind busy. It took me a while to move on, but I had little time to dwell on all that had happened. However, during this time, I had met new people. A lot of new people. Little did I know that there would be one person out of many that I would ultimately turn to and that I would encounter another person along the way.
This semester, even though I was taking a lighter course load, for some reason, I was having even more difficulty than before which became more apparent as the semester went on. Classes were too much to handle even though I was taking several classes P/NP. Organic chemistry was a constant struggle. There was so much material to learn and I had no time at all. I also got cast in the musical, City of Angels, and rehearsals consumed a large chunk of time, especially towards the end of the semester. But it was my way to get through organic chemistry, my way of escaping the reality. I knew that I was falling fast. Sooner or later I would hit the ground. And it came by means of the letter.
After many rough nights with the help of my two friends, I somehow made it through the semester. I don’t know what I would have done without them. Many times I didn’t know where to turn, and I have had to rely on them to keep me going. I am very grateful that they have been very accepting and letting me be apart of their lives. There have been so many fun and interesting times getting to hang out with them. This summer would not have been the same if it weren’t for them. I constantly feel bad because I feel like I’m intruding on their live. There is so much more that I want to say, but can’t express myself properly in words.
If I want to continue on at UC Berkeley, I know that changes have to be made. I will need to get my priorities straightened out. Time management will be very important as well. I will need to find the balance between academics and life, making sure I do well in courses, but also setting time aside to be with friends. This upcoming semester will be crucial since my performance will ultimately decide the outcome. I disappointed many people along the way, including people very close to me. This shouldn’t have happened and I know things could have be different. I need to put the pieces back together and work harder. There are still many decisions left to be made, many questions left to be answered. It won’t get any easier, but I am determined to navigate my way out of this difficult situation.
I know this post probably made no sense at all, but this is my way of gathering my thoughts.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Luck of the Draw
Last Wednesday after finishing up my ochem midterm, I decided to trek it over to the city and take the day off. I thought I might as well lotto for Wicked since I would already be around the area. Promptly at 5:30pm (since it was an 8pm show), I headed over to the theater, got my slip of paper and filled it out. All this time, I was on the phone with my friend Christina, informing her of what was happening. (She had won the lotto a week and a half earlier.) I placed my slip in the box and lingered until 6pm rolled around.
The time came and the usher drew out the names one by one, pausing for several minutes in between each pick. The lucky people bought two tickets each and soon only single seats were left. Many people refused the single seats because they wanted to sit next to their friends and family, but I didn't mind. It gave me one more chance of winning. All of a sudden, I heard the usher call my name. Christina had told me to let her know if I won. Without thinking, I yelled out "I WON THE LOTTO!" and jumped up and down to some laughter and chuckle, but I didn't care. This was my first time lotto-ing and I had won!! My mind was totally unprepared since I wasn't expecting to win the lotto. I paid my $25 and received my ticket. It was mind boggling to think that I would be watching the show that night. Most of my friends had all seen the show the previous weekend because of the July 4th discount, and this was my chance. I had seen the show for the first time back in March with my two friends.
The show was still spectacular the second time around. My seat was L 21 in the side orchestra. I wasn't able to see the action in upstage right, but then again, not much action occurs in that area. This time I saw the Teal Wicks as Elphaba and Glinda standby, Natalie Daradich in the lead roles. Last time it was Kendra Kassebaum and Vicki Noon. In addition, the understudies went on for Madame Morrible (Fiama Fricano) and midwife (Laura Dysarczyck). I like how Natalie has a higher voice than Kendra, but Kendra's a little more perky and "blonde" as Glinda. Teal was a great Elphaba; she has a fantastic voice, but I prefer Vicki. I don't know if it's because I saw Vicki as Elphaba first...
After both our experiences lotto-ing, Christina and I came to the conclusion that there's a phenomenon known as "solo luck". She lotto-ed for many times in groups for Wicked, but never won. However, the one time that she lottos out of the blue by herself, she wins. The same thing happened for me; I lotto-ed without any plans in mind and happened to win. So we think that there is a force or luck that helps you win when you go alone. This is just our speculation, but I don't know how well our theory holds up. :)
Did I mention that I received a button that says "I won the WICKED lottery!" for winning the lotto?
The time came and the usher drew out the names one by one, pausing for several minutes in between each pick. The lucky people bought two tickets each and soon only single seats were left. Many people refused the single seats because they wanted to sit next to their friends and family, but I didn't mind. It gave me one more chance of winning. All of a sudden, I heard the usher call my name. Christina had told me to let her know if I won. Without thinking, I yelled out "I WON THE LOTTO!" and jumped up and down to some laughter and chuckle, but I didn't care. This was my first time lotto-ing and I had won!! My mind was totally unprepared since I wasn't expecting to win the lotto. I paid my $25 and received my ticket. It was mind boggling to think that I would be watching the show that night. Most of my friends had all seen the show the previous weekend because of the July 4th discount, and this was my chance. I had seen the show for the first time back in March with my two friends.
The show was still spectacular the second time around. My seat was L 21 in the side orchestra. I wasn't able to see the action in upstage right, but then again, not much action occurs in that area. This time I saw the Teal Wicks as Elphaba and Glinda standby, Natalie Daradich in the lead roles. Last time it was Kendra Kassebaum and Vicki Noon. In addition, the understudies went on for Madame Morrible (Fiama Fricano) and midwife (Laura Dysarczyck). I like how Natalie has a higher voice than Kendra, but Kendra's a little more perky and "blonde" as Glinda. Teal was a great Elphaba; she has a fantastic voice, but I prefer Vicki. I don't know if it's because I saw Vicki as Elphaba first...
After both our experiences lotto-ing, Christina and I came to the conclusion that there's a phenomenon known as "solo luck". She lotto-ed for many times in groups for Wicked, but never won. However, the one time that she lottos out of the blue by herself, she wins. The same thing happened for me; I lotto-ed without any plans in mind and happened to win. So we think that there is a force or luck that helps you win when you go alone. This is just our speculation, but I don't know how well our theory holds up. :)
Did I mention that I received a button that says "I won the WICKED lottery!" for winning the lotto?
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